ifeelbetter: (Jane Eyre - women are generally calm)
I am still celebrating the fact that I am done with all three of my drafts for seminar papers. Yeah, you heard me. All three. And one of them has the title the like of which my happiest dreams have only imagined in a vague and conceptual way before: "Boys Will Be Girls: Effeminate Men and Queer Childhood". YES. I done it. And it features a list of my favorite things, a la Julie Andrews, that has Germaine Greer's book 'The Boy' front and center. No, really. It's the first thing and I felt it was important to read the cover art in the paper. YES. You can play like you don't love it, but I can tell.

So the actual thing that is bugging my head so much that I have resorted to livejournal for discussion is this: writing papers is mad painful, yo. I mean, I had no sleep this week. I felt like my head was going to both explode, all guts-y and gross, and dry up and cave in like something from one of the old episodes of Batman or Star Trek where machines can take all the moisture out of people and then crush them with their fingers. It's not a pleasant feeling. I feel miserable and angsty mid-papers. I dredge up younger sibling issues the likes of which would make most people curl up in little fetal balls on the floor over their heating vents. I'm the product of two English PhDs and I have a brilliant PhD-to-be for a sister...I feel the pressure with every paper. Especially when I know I'm going to be with all of them for two-three weeks and they will inevitably ask to see my papers and all judge them and stuff...My point is, feel the crazy. Feel the misery. It is intense.

Yet, for all that, MY GOD am I glad I got out of corporate/office culture. My job last year was made of misery. When I go through this intense emotional stuff writing papers, at least I can feel like something has happened afterwards. All that stuff last year ... that was just useless. I could have skipped the entire year, right? If I had jumped from teaching in Japan to being a grad student, I would have been a better person. Nothing that happened to me in that year of hell was a bettering experience. I would go so far as to say, in fact, that I am having trouble shaking the bad habits they instilled in me at YV.

In short, I am guilty that I am secure in a grad program while the economy is in the crapper. I am not enjoying this in a frills-and-bunnies-and-rainbows kind of way -- it's hard word, in every way -- but even EVEN given all this, I still thrilled through my toes that I got that e-mail from University of Michigan at 11:59 PM, Valentine's Day 2008.

And they told me I'd change my tune by the first papers season.
ifeelbetter: (Default)
I only have five -- COUNT 'EM, SUCKA! -- more days left in this ... "place." That means -- and this way of thinking was given to me, free of charge, by friends who have oft suffered through similarly liberating-and-everlasting last weeks -- there is only One More Monday, One More Tuesday, etc...until freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom.

Suck on that, YV.
ifeelbetter: (Default)
I asked and was granted an early escape from Youth Venture! My last day is now August 15th! That means I have 16 days left in this @#$%& place. ha HA!

And three Black Books icons:
ifeelbetter: (torchwood - searching)
So I have worked another day, bringing me one day closer to moving to Ann Arbor. I am sending my down payment for the house today...if I remember. I am so very bad at remembering to put things into mailboxes. But, the bottom line is: Yaaaay! Depositing on houses is FUN and EDUCATIONAL and for ALL THE KIDS TO ENJOY!

Also in the news: this season of Torchwood is over and that leaves me soul-searching and empty in spirit just in time for the American TV shows to come back! Rock on. Still...what will I do without my gay Welsh sci-fi porn? Sigh.

I was listening to NPR this morning -- what ELSE does one do in the morning, I ask you! -- and I heard a book reviewer describe a humanities grad school experience as the darkest period in the life of anyone with a soul to crush. I think he might not have every tried the non-profit world -- oops! Sorry, Bill Drayton, I mean "citizen-sector organization" world.

An example of the drivel of "citizen-sector organization" life:
E-mail from me to boss who "quit" a week ago but is still collecting a week's paycheck without actually working here anymore and having already started at her other job and who has the stones to e-mail all the staff she shortchanged to "meet" with her "sometime after 6": "What are the times of the meetings? We all have to stay after our usual time so I think we'd all be interested in knowing aprox. how long we will have to stay."

Her response: "I will try to make these meetings as quick as possible, but please note that I may have to meet with some of you longer than others. The meeting time is based on how many responsibilities you will be taking on and how time intensive they are.
Sorry I cannot give you a better approximation. Remember, as VISTAs, you are supposed to be available 24-7! I know that this was drilled into you during PSO."

The part that eats my insides up, chews them thoughtfully, and then spits them out in my face is that exclamation point. Oh, vile exclamation point! Thou art vengeful and cruel.
ifeelbetter: (Default)
So I have the passive-aggressive-est of passive-aggressive supervisors in the whole wide world. I haven't checked personally every inch of the globe so there might be someone in some corner of some tiny country whose supervisor is the size of a parrot and actually sits on their shoulder, commenting on every single thing they do and asking for every conversation to be re-sent in e-mail form so they can have a carbon copy. This could be true. However, I think mine should go pretty far up the list -- top ten material, at least.

Specific Complaints in Four Parts: Read at Your Peril )

Now, to explain the title of this entry:
inthehardrive: i make take out a hit on her
inthehardrive: do you happen to know anyone who will pop an annoying supervisor?
glamourcharmcat: next time she suggests something, ask 'can i get that in writing?'
glamourcharmcat: and say this very loudly
glamourcharmcat: so everyone else will laugh
inthehardrive: oh, i've done that level
inthehardrive: i need to up the anty
glamourcharmcat: flaming bags of poo?
inthehardrive: yes!
inthehardrive: you've got it!
inthehardrive: now -- where does one GET flaming bags of poo?
glamourcharmcat: you have a dog =P
ifeelbetter: (Default)
I am at work. I am thoroughly bored. I wish I were somewhere else. Michigan, preferably. I am also nearly asleep. Did I mention about the bored? COMPLETELY bored. Out of my skull kind of bored. Bored bored bored.

I have nothing of interest to ad to that.


ifeelbetter: (Default)

August 2012

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