ifeelbetter

So now I'm 26. That happened.

Also, I am beginning to think that I have dug myself a fairly deep hole with this summer of faffing about (and not reading nearly as much as I ought to have done) as far as prelims are concerned. SIGH. The problem is that I've reached this point where all the things I read--since they're so narrowly focused--are beginning to sound alike. It's like, yes, translation is hard to theorize but that was said in 700AD. MUST you repeat it in every book, article, novel, poem, etc. to mention translation from now till the end of time? Because I do not want. So I'm avoiding reading for prelims. That's stupid, I agree, but I'm doing it anyway.

Also, in case anyone missed it, there was a segment of pure genius on The Daily Show last night. Staten Island is the only borough in NYC that hasn't supplied a supreme court justice and Wyatt Cenac goes to see if he can find the most qualified candidate available.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Staten Island Supreme Court Justice
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Also, I have a music rec. If you don't know Pomplamoose, I suggest you start with their cover of Don't Wanna Miss A Thing. It's a song I have never been entirely fond of but I am re-evaluating that opinion based on the awesomeness of the cover.

I am still celebrating the fact that I am done with all three of my drafts for seminar papers. Yeah, you heard me. All three. And one of them has the title the like of which my happiest dreams have only imagined in a vague and conceptual way before: "Boys Will Be Girls: Effeminate Men and Queer Childhood". YES. I done it. And it features a list of my favorite things, a la Julie Andrews, that has Germaine Greer's book 'The Boy' front and center. No, really. It's the first thing and I felt it was important to read the cover art in the paper. YES. You can play like you don't love it, but I can tell.

So the actual thing that is bugging my head so much that I have resorted to livejournal for discussion is this: writing papers is mad painful, yo. I mean, I had no sleep this week. I felt like my head was going to both explode, all guts-y and gross, and dry up and cave in like something from one of the old episodes of Batman or Star Trek where machines can take all the moisture out of people and then crush them with their fingers. It's not a pleasant feeling. I feel miserable and angsty mid-papers. I dredge up younger sibling issues the likes of which would make most people curl up in little fetal balls on the floor over their heating vents. I'm the product of two English PhDs and I have a brilliant PhD-to-be for a sister...I feel the pressure with every paper. Especially when I know I'm going to be with all of them for two-three weeks and they will inevitably ask to see my papers and all judge them and stuff...My point is, feel the crazy. Feel the misery. It is intense.

Yet, for all that, MY GOD am I glad I got out of corporate/office culture. My job last year was made of misery. When I go through this intense emotional stuff writing papers, at least I can feel like something has happened afterwards. All that stuff last year ... that was just useless. I could have skipped the entire year, right? If I had jumped from teaching in Japan to being a grad student, I would have been a better person. Nothing that happened to me in that year of hell was a bettering experience. I would go so far as to say, in fact, that I am having trouble shaking the bad habits they instilled in me at YV.

In short, I am guilty that I am secure in a grad program while the economy is in the crapper. I am not enjoying this in a frills-and-bunnies-and-rainbows kind of way -- it's hard word, in every way -- but even EVEN given all this, I still thrilled through my toes that I got that e-mail from University of Michigan at 11:59 PM, Valentine's Day 2008.

And they told me I'd change my tune by the first papers season.