panic panic panic panic

[ifeelbetter]

My sister says I am required to do two things tonight:

1. Eat something.
2. Sleep some.

It's like she knows me or something.

Have been panicking allllll day about the presentation for tomorrow. Have drunk MUCH coffee. Have not made much progress.

My sister tells me that is untrue. She says I have made significant progress and it is only my panic that is making me think I am still drastically under-prepared.

I think she may be full of shit but she's awfully nice too.

New idea: write about 1860 Japanese delegation to America. This is funtimes for several reasons:

1. I still get to talk about Edward House because he writes his first couple of articles about Japan for this event.
2. I found a footnote that says this: "One analyst suggests that Ta-uen [a character from a short story by House] symbolizes the never-married House's struggle with his own sexual identity, concluding that House 'probably realized that he was a homosexual.' Though occasional remarks in letters suggest that House was sexually active, I have found no evidence to either support or contradict this claim." The "analyst" is probably a grad student, btw. God, I LOVE crazypants footnotes.
3. Whitman wrote a poem to commemorate the New York leg of the visit.
4. There was a surprise breakout star: "Tommy," a teenager in the delegation party, attracted throngs of adoring middle-aged women. He told House he was looking for a wife and House, in a later column, says he met with heartbreak. There are TONS of drawings and photographs of this dude.
5. Both countries lost interest in each other soon after because they went into civil war.

Problems:

1. There is, like, one aspect of this whole thing that is literary. And I am supposed to be literary all the time.
2. I have nothing to say about any of this. Just, "oooh! lookie!" which, as I have oftentimes told undergrads, does not a thesis make.
3. I am panicking alllllll over the place.

My solution is simple: I will make a slideshow. I will pause languorously to do "readings" of every photo, every drawing, everythe only poem....I should be able to speak slowly enough to take up 15-20 minutes, right?

GOD, I am the WORST grad student in the history of EVER.

Conclusion: I should eat. Eating is good.